Curses! Are You Cursed? Or: Step Away from the Candle

Dear Cedar,

All my life I have felt like I have been living under a curse. A psychic told me that a powerful witch doctor put a spell on my Grandma, and all her children and grandchildren carry this curse. For $2,000, she said she could remove this curse. Do you have anything a bit more affordable?
Please help,
Missionary's Grandchild

Or:

Dear Natural Magick,
My boyfriend's ex-girlfriend put a hex on me. She hates me and doesn't want me to succeed in my relationship. My life has been a living hell for the past three years. Everything goes wrong, nothing works!
What can I do to send this bitch a dose of her own medicine?
Sincerely,
Ex's Psycho's Hexes

Anybody who has worked with me in person knows that I am compassionate to a fault, and I have been accused of doing backbends to make excuses for people. Others know that I am a strong proponent for mental health and a scientific, logic based approach to any personal problem. Step Away from the Candle!

I believe that there are very few real cases of cursing, and I am always skeptical to turn to these sorts of explanations. As you might imagine, over the course of my 20+ years in the magick potions biz I get these sorts of appeals on a regular basis. I can honestly say that in my opinion less than 2% of these cases are possibly related to a curse.

To a fault, humans tend to look for patterns. Some folks have the predisposition to notice bad things more than good things. Put those two together and you have got yourself the makings of a curse!

Lets look at the case of the missionary's grand daughter. It is true that her grandpa took her grandma and her mother (then a small child) into Africa to "baptize the heathen African primitives" into the Christian faith. No doubt, this would have put the missionary family in conflict with the local religious leaders, who already had a rich, ancient, satisfying and powerful faith of their own, thank you very much.

I have no problem believing that the local "witch doctor" put a curse on the missionary and his family. But was it truly successful? Maybe, maybe not. The most important thing is that the missionary family BELIEVED that it was. It is amazing what suppressed guilt feelings will cause one to believe in the name of denial.

Probing deeper into the family history (this story is actually a composite of three similar tales told to me by descendants of missionaries) we hear uglier stuff. Child and spouse abuse, incest and infidelity (e.g. raping the locals or openly taking an African mistress as a means of introducing the Love of God on a more intimate level, uggh!) and quite possibly undiagnosed mental illness. It is easy to see how a narcissistic God complex or delusional schizophrenia might be the cause of or result of a missionary career. And the lifestyle of the missionary, seldom setting down roots, often being in conflict with the target population, no cultural reference or context, harsh frontier lifestyle, are a mental health minefield to the sanest of individuals, and it could bring out the worst in anyone, causing family dysfunction and psychologically unhealthy relationships.

Is the missionary's granddaughter suffering from a multi-generational curse? Perhaps. Did she inherit her grandpa's schizophrenia? Another good guess. I believe that the emotional injuries caused by PTSD are also often passed down the generations culturally, one wounded generation raising the next wounded generation and so forth. 

One of my missionary's granddaughters told me this: her mom came back to America, got married and had 5 kids, 2 boys and 3 girls. Both boys died before reaching adulthood of ailments which defied diagnosis. The three girls were all adults now, but each of them suffered from lifelong illnesses which had at best sketchy diagnoses. And all of the diseases involved were of very different natures. IF she was telling me the truth, yeah, even my Capricorn skepticism thinks, "Yeah, that probably is a real curse." (On the other hand, it could be 100% coincidence, or the result of psychosomatic illnesses generated by the emotional scars of the upbringing.) I sent her to a meeting with the Lords of Karma (see below).

Now lets turn to the Curse of the Psycho Ex.

For sure, the Ex hates the new girlfriend, or at least resents her deeply for "stealing her man." She has obviously not let go, and she might be desperate enough to hex the new girlfriend or hire someone to lay the trick. Again the operative function is that the recipient of the curse BELIEVES that they were cursed.

Digging deeper we find that the nature of the curse affects New Girl's boyfriend too, causing him to be emotionally abusive towards her. The boyfriend has also not let go of his ex, and is using their children to maintain unnecessary  contact with the Psycho Ex.

Is a curse involved? Or is there a non-magickal explanation? The correct word for this sort of situation is not "curse" it's DRAMA! Are any of the people involved seeking mental health counseling to help them out of their co dependencies and addiction to drama? NO! Because they prefer the denial that allows them to each be victims in their own way, and engage in a three-way emotional pie fight of blame. Are the kids being raised in this environment of unhealthy relationship, and learning everything about it? So sad, so sad.

Another sort of "curse" is what I call Opt-In Victimhood.  Many times this is just a case of coincidence, what we call bad luck. I truly believe that coincidences happen (as opposed to the magickal mantra, "There Are No Coincidences") and that bad things do happen to good people, and that there ARE true Innocent Victims (contrasting with a New Age belief that we all somehow "choose our fate," in which case we would even blame the rape victim for her rape or target of racial hatred for getting beaten up by NeoNazis!) 


The unfortunate victim of a string of bad luck, or worse, crimes of violence has suffered an emotional injury, or series of them, which weakens their mental health profile. They then turn to a magickal explanation and starts thinking "why me" and one of the easiest so-called "explanations" is, you guessed it! "I'm Cursed!" Presto, an adept transition from Innocent Victim to Victim by Choice. Without treatment or intervention, this can become a lifelong pattern.

Another form of Opt-In Victimhood is the result of one's own series of bad life choices. The self-appointed victim chooses to believe that their misfortunes are a curse, which allows them to be a helpless victim in their own life, and cast blame on someone or something so that they don't have to do any hard work on themselves, to change their behavior and attitudes to be more in line with reality. They refuse to see that their bad luck is of their own doing. Most of these types of Victims by Choice began as Innocent Victims of poor parenting, or being raised in an emotionally unhealthy cultures such as crime and poverty or mentally abusive religious orders. Sometimes they just did not successfully recover from the death of a parent, a nasty divorce, or a traumatic move that took place at a tender age.

Both of these sorts of Opt-In Victimhood play very well into a universal human frailty. It gives us the nearly irresistible opportunity to believe that Everything Is About Me. In this twisted reasoning, being targeted by someone who has cursed you means that at least SOMEone is thinking about you and thinks you are strong and important enough to be worthy of their bad-magick efforts! It also gives the Victim a hall pass on having to do any hard work on their own behalf to heal the emotional wounds the old-fashioned way, with self-help and Muggle counseling.

The last sort of "cursing" I would like to discuss may be a sensitive issue. A lot of people have mild to moderate personality disorders, which range in cause from inherited mental illnesses, neuroses, Asperger's/Autism, depression, congenital deformity, and the like. Even untreated halitosis or homely looks! Truly Innocent Victims, but because of the way the dominant society has treated them, shunned them and chosen to neglect their socialization and social education, these folks are marginalized, lonely, and perhaps cursed in the most heartbreaking interpretation of the term. Many of them think of their curses as being of the more literal variety however. It is the responsibility of the larger dominant society to provide a network of assistance, medical treatment, remedial training and mentoring, in other words the LOVE to exorcise these curses.

NOW! You have read over these types of non-curses. If I have done my work as a Witch, my Magick as a healer, and Fountain of Joy, some part of you has felt like it looked into a mirror and saw yourself for the first time. 

Part of you may be hating me because "Cedar just told me I'm crazy!" You may be having a brainsplosion. This information is partly euphoria-inducing, because YAY! you are not cursed. And partly it it is Daunting, because it means that you have to admit some things to yourself that you had deeply hidden, and you might now be challenged do some work and take some action to remedy your situation, or worse yet! have to ask someone for help, and then even worse! listen to them and take some advice!

If this is too difficult, if this magick is too strong for you, and you find yourself grabbing for the Woobie Blankie of Denial, it's okay. You will not be able to put the Apple of the Tree of Knowledge back onto the Tree. And even if you take a bite and find it too healthy for your tastes right now, don't worry, it is a Magick Apple and it won't rot. It will still be there even if you hide it in your closet, waiting for you when you are ready. Just knowing it is there will begin to heal your heart and mind.

There is another reason for Hope. Many of the magickal rituals of Uncrossing, Unhexing, Exorcisms, Banishment and the like also have great value for healing Opt-In Victimhood, and other varieties of self-curse, if you are doing it for yourself. Ritual can be powerfully transformative and can help break though deeply ingrained thinking errors. Many therapists are integrating ritual as a part of their practices. I make a number of high quality, high integrity products traditionally used for Banishing, Uncrossing or Exorcising. (Look at the "Short List" first. Instructions and ideas for traditional and innovative uses are given in the product descriptions (and please return to this article!.) Use these, if it suits your own program of transformation from a cursed or challenged situation, into a resolution of self-determination and achievement of your Higher Purpose.

Regardless of any Opt-In Victimhood situation or a rare actual successful cursing incident, in either case you will need to decide for sure that your True Will and self sovereignty will henceforth be the way your future is shaped. This is where blaming stops and healing begins. See my affirmation chant below...

If you have a friend or family member who believes that they have been cursed, I urge you to NEVER play along or agree with them. Do not validate any delusions. To agree with their self-diagnosis is to jump into the pool they are drowning in. There is no way you can help from that vantage point. Instead, offer them a line that they can climb out with, such as, "There may be more helpful ways of looking at your situation" "I don't believe in curses, I am sure there is a more logical explanation," and "I am with you as long as we can look for real life solutions," or"I hope you will go to a counselor who will help you recognize more realistic causes for your problems." 

With that caveat stated, I will recommend either of two strategies, either doing an uncrossing/change your luck procedure such as in my previous blog entry here; cord cutting as ritual hygeine, OR going to the Lords of Karma and ask for them to resolve the situation, or guide you along the path of healing.

The Lords of Karma are visualized as very powerful beings, perhaps a sort of Angel, who are the keepers of our Karmic destiny. In a true curse, you are dealing with either karma that is not your own, or karma that you have not acknowledged. Time to have a hearing with the judges, you might say. There is a great book that deals with these sorts of workings:  We Are the Angels: Healing Our Past, Present, and Future With the Lords of Karma by Diane Stein, go get you one now.

Whichever strategy you choose, I also highly recommend regular muggle mental health care and counseling as an adjunct working. A series of life tragedies and or bad luck will cause emotional damage to our psyche, and these wounds are best healed through normal mental health counseling. In other words, you could go to the Lords of Karma and get your sentence commuted, or successfully remove a cross or curse, but still not *feel* any better if your muggle emotional body is still bruised and bleeding from the wounding you have received.

I give to you this affirmation, which is great sung in the shower. I have a tune that I put to it, but feel free to make up your own, just so long as it is victorious sounding. Think Tom Petty anthem style major chords!

Now what comes is my True Will
Now what comes is Right
Guided!
And guarded!
Above and Below
By Earth, Moon, Sun, and Star Light.

Cedar Stevens
(c) 2013